Building and maintaining healthy relationships will take much effort and dedication. I think many people underestimate the amount of work required to make a relationship thrive. I have discovered it will involve self-examination, open communication, and a willingness to address conflicts and challenges head-on. While building these relationships you will inevitably encounter differences of opinion and find yourself disagreeing from time to time. Yes, there will probably be times of arguing and quarreling. This is not uncommon. We are emotional creatures and our emotions will often surface.
Anger and quarreling are deeply ingrained emotional responses that can serve us well. They are both signals and challenges. These reactions often indicate that something valuable and important is at stake. And while they are valid emotions, their expression can sometimes be more destructive than constructive. We must be on guard because prolonged quarreling and unmanaged anger can undermine trust, intimacy, and mutual respect in our relationships. In the heat of the moment, we often say things we don’t mean.
Let’s take a closer look at anger. Anger is a secondary emotion, meaning that it surfaces as a reaction to other things such as fear, frustration, hurt, or powerlessness.
For instance, anger in a quarrel might stem from feeling unheard, misunderstood, or disrespected, rather than the particular issue being argued about.
There are ways to manage and reduce our anger and quarrels.
Slow Down - “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” James 1:19.
Be Thoughtful - Seek to understand and strive to communicate effectively. “The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.” Luke 6:45.
Practice Forgiveness: Above all practice forgiveness. Letting go of grudges and forgiving yourself as well as others can be freeing. Holding onto anger only prolongs separation and suffering. “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:31-32.
Ultimately, the goal isn’t to eliminate anger or conflict altogether—both are part of what all humans experience. Instead, it’s about learning to manage these emotions in ways that promote understanding, healing, and growth rather than harm.
To accomplish this, we will need God’s strength. Therefore…
"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own
understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil." Proverbs 3:5-7.
Ron Corzine
Ft. Worth, Texas
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